To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.
- Lewis B. Smedes
The act and/or process of forgiveness takes many forms. For this reason a myriad of questions come to mind. Is forgiving always necessary? Is it more an exercise of the heart, mind or will? Will it change anything? What benefits might we expect?
Given the state of global relationships, from nations to marriages, we clearly have plenty of room for improvement. In fact, complying with Christ's commands in this area may make an eternity of difference.
Few virtues have been as well documented and discussed as that of forgiving. Nevertheless, given the range and rapidity of human offense, mankind's need to understand and develop habits and lifestyles of forgiveness has never been greater. Quantum Christianity, as showcased on GodBlog, is designed to take a more honest and thorough, albeit less sentimental and traditional view of living out Biblical doctrine in this and other areas in modern life.
Since Jesus explained and exemplified the necessity to forgive, billions have and continue to perished through war and violence, hatred and disdain. Add to this the immense emotional and societal toll from broken marriages to fractured friendships, and a tragic tale develops of misunderstanding and ignorance.
It's been said, "forgiveness is a gift you give yourself." This is true on a variety of levels. Spiritually speaking, it's compulsory if we hope to be forgiven by God:
- "But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15
- "At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, "Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?" Jesus replied, "Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven." Matthew 18:21-22 The Message
- ”Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. 'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.' But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart." Matthew 18: 23-35
- "Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. And don't let us yield to temptation." Luke 11:4
Costly Gift
From God's perspective, the requirement to forgive is rooted in a two fold purpose. Foremost is that doing so is the natural and appropriate response to God's past and present extension of mercy and kindness to each of us, both in time and eternity.
Such Divine forgiveness is a team effort. God the Father provides "His only begotten Son" as the propitiation (appeasing God's moral response) for humanity's collective and individual sin. The costly atonement of God the Son pays in full the price for our disregard and violence against God's commands and one another. God the Spirit, continually grieved by our thoughts and feelings, words and deeds, provides conviction and repentance, training and indwelling enabling Christians access to the nature and character of God.
Few on earth understand the secondary reason forgiveness is important from Omnity's point of view, having to do with the surprising degree circumstances in heaven have, are and will continue to influence earth. The Bible's backstory of the history of eternity reveals the archangel Lucifer's rebellion has not only radically altered life for angels but has had dramatic effects on mankind.
From Heaven's vantage point its apparent humanity's not just fallen into serious and deadly sin, but has been repeatedly pushed and shoved. From Adam and Eve's original enticement in the garden of Eden, to the pervasive and devilish thinking inspired and directed by diabolical "wisdom from below" mankind has been and continues to be herded into destructive patterns of temptation and deception.
All too aware of the unleveled playing field and unfair advantage afforded such ancient and malevolent super-natural beings, God not only provides comprehensive forgiveness to mankind but demands response in kind. In fact, Omnity identifies so completely with harassed humanity as to take personally all we do or fail to do for one another:
- "When the Pharisees heard how he had bested the Sadducees, they gathered their forces for an assault. One of their religion scholars spoke for them, posing a question they hoped would show him up: "Teacher, which command in God's Law is the most important?" Jesus said, "'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence.' This is the most important, the first on any list. But there is a second to set alongside it: 'Love others as well as you love yourself.' These two commands are pegs; everything in God's Law and the Prophets hangs from them." Matthew 22:34-40 The Message
- "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other." Galatians 5:13-15
- "When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on his glorious throne. Then all the nations will be arranged before him and he will sort the people out, much as a shepherd sorts out sheep and goats, putting sheep to his right and goats to his left. Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what's coming to you in this kingdom. It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why: I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.' "Then those 'sheep' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?' Then the King will say, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me, you did it to me.' "Then he will turn to the 'goats,' the ones on his left, and say, 'Get out, worthless goats! You're good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because, I was hungry and you gave me no meal, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was homeless and you gave me no bed, I was shivering and you gave me no clothes, Sick and in prison, and you never visited.' "Then those 'goats' are going to say, 'Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or homeless or shivering or sick or in prison and didn't help?' "He will answer them, 'I'm telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.' Then those 'goats' will be herded to their eternal doom, but the 'sheep' to their eternal reward." Matthew 25:31-46 The Message
Casting Stones
In regards to forgiveness, we do well to bear in mind the full extent every facet of our existence is laid bare before God. By definition, God can and will judge not only our words and deeds but our very thoughts and intents:
- "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:12-13
- "Jesus went across to Mount Olives, but he was soon back in the Temple again. Swarms of people came to him. He sat down and taught them. The religion scholars and Pharisees led in a woman who had been caught in an act of adultery. They stood her in plain sight of everyone and said, "Teacher, this woman was caught red-handed in the act of adultery. Moses, in the Law, gives orders to stone such persons. What do you say?" They were trying to trap him into saying something incriminating so they could bring charges against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger in the dirt. They kept at him, badgering him. He straightened up and said, "The sinless one among you, go first: Throw the stone." Bending down again, he wrote some more in the dirt. Hearing that, they walked away, one after another, beginning with the oldest. The woman was left alone. Jesus stood up and spoke to her. "Woman, where are they? Does no one condemn you?" "No one, Master." "Neither do I," said Jesus. "Go on your way. From now on, don't sin." John 8:1-11 The Message
This raises questions in regards to the depth of Scriptural forgiveness. As with quantity, the Bible sets the bar incredibly high when it comes to quality:
- "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- "But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely." Galatians 5:22-23 The Message
- "When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." James 1:13-15
Tops of Trees
The Bible's call to radical virtue, particularly in the area of love and forgiveness, might easily be misconstrued as a call to self imposed blindness to the vices and devices of others. While such a strategy has merit, the best Christian mindset arises from an opposite perspective. Here, as in all aspects of life, rather than suggesting blinders, Scripture challenges mankind to see with better eyes.
When interpreting Biblical passages on important issues like forgiveness, one needs discernment and appreciation for subtleties. Consider Christ's warning, "Do not judge (condemn), or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Now compare this to His admonition concerning religious truth "Judge (discern) not according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment." For the uninitiated, the former might appear to be an injunction against judgment and the latter a command to develop the very same habit.
Developing the skill of judging wisely serves us well in regards to both recognizing the true Christ and practicing the forgiveness Jesus demonstrated and requires. Rather than turning a blind eye to the faults and failures, Christians are to learn from their own mistakes as well as those of others. Called to "speak the truth in love" we patiently strive to foster and promote "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy." Looking beyond mere human thoughts and emotions, we strive to comprehend and optimize eternal realities and consequences for the sake of all our souls.
While constant and full compliance with the Bible's greatest passages on love and forgiveness may seem unattainable, it behooves us to try. As has been noted "if you aim at the moon you may at least get to the top of the trees." Those wishing to learn from Christ's example and teachings often find themselves in situations providing ample opportunities to grow in this arena. As James notes "Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way."
All too often not only do we find our foot in our mouth, but that we've trample the rights of others or vice versa. What's more, as Peter noted, we and/or others may be repeat or even constant offenders. Often those we know and even love "never cease to disappoint" making disillusionment a constant challenge. Such cases lend themselves as teachable moments all around. The offended are afforded an opportunity to develop and express a divine attribute. Offenders receive not only the gift of forgiveness but hopefully some form of instruction and example. Unfortunately problems arise when the process falls short of expectations.
Entitlement and Expectations
We are called to become familiar with the Word of God, learning to speak the language of the Spirit, that we might better be able to judge the “thoughts and intents” of our hearts and those of others. By the practice of daily prayer and Bible study, reflection and application we grow in spiritual insight and discernment. Those making genuine effort to do so quickly find themselves challenged by the complexity and even depravity of human personality as noted by Jeremiah, the weeping prophet:
- "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out. But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." Jeremiah 17:9-10 The Message
expectation. Believing we deserve better, we go so far as to abuse others or even ourselves in attempts to get what we want:
- "Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don't have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn't yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it. You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way. You're cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn't care? The proverb has it that "he's a fiercely jealous lover." And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you'll find. It's common knowledge that "God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble." James 4:1-6 The Message
Most find the process of forgiveness too tedious or taxing. Nevertheless, without diligence we’re left to continually deal with surface eruptions without understanding the emotional and spiritual geology of the human soul. Sadly, even when we ourselves are willing, others may be less so. The wisest and kindest among us may frequently find circumstances and relationships stacked against them. During such seasons. patience and endurance are key components of forgiveness.
When forgiveness is at odds with such natural impulses as the assertion or protection of our rights and desires, developing the discipline of daily and strategic prayer is essential. What better place for our reach to exceed our grasp than through the all but lost art of intercession before God for ourselves and others?
Devotional prayer should consistently result in petition for a spirit of forgiveness over issues that may be either real or imagined. These include those arising from and/or affecting our past, present and future. For offenses of omission and commission. For wounds given in ignorance and willfully, particularly those repeated and ongoing.
Genuine forgiveness does not preclude an outcry for divine restoration and even vindication in this life and eternity. While never to be vindictive, believers are actually encourage by none other that Christ to cry out "day and night" for resolution and even restitution:
- "Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, "There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: 'My rights are being violated. Protect me!' He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, 'I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won't quit badgering me, I'd better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I'm going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.'" Then the Master said, "Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won't step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won't he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?" Luke 18:1-8 The Message
Issues with God and Others
Perhaps the greatest roadblock on the path to forgiveness has to do with our conscious and unconscious issues with others and even God. Mortal life is fraught with frustration and disappointment. Add to this unrealistic expectations regarding people and circumstances and we have a recipe for disaster.
For most of us fortunate enough to live modern life in first world nations, God's gift of technology has increased the ease of our lifestyle a thousandfold. This being the case, our primary issues with God and others may stem more from unthankfulness than genuine neglect or abuse. Few daily appreciate the magnitude of blessing even something so commonplace as a grocery store would be to the vast majority of humanity throughout the ages or even billions currently impoverished with little or no hope of a better life for themselves or their children. Our fallen human nature quickly takes for granted having received what might be considered the answer to the prayers of all past generations. Doing so, we are at risk of becoming the ultimate fulfillment of Jesus’s dire warning regarding the Rich Man and Lazarus.
This is not to suggest that humanity doesn’t have reason for genuine concern when contemplating and wrestling through important issues with God. Particularly in regards to Omnity’s manner of existence and goodness in the light of God’s apparent silence and distance. Is God fair? Given the inherit and often exacerbated loneliness and bitterness of life do I have reason to be angry with God? In the end, isn’t a faithful and just Creator and Savior responsible for the illness and disease, pain and death of His Creation?
The problem arises when substituting honest research and investigation with personal or corporate agenda and pretense. The inertia to do just that has never been greater. Not only must individuals and societies wade through the ubiquitous marketing and propaganda generated by the wisdom from below, but we must do so having had our appetites fueled by an onslaught of global media campaigns. Few have given the Devil his due as well in this arena as did the writer of a scene from the insightful movie, The Devil's Advocate:
- "You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?" John Milton (the Devil) played by Al Pacino
Attitude and Actions
For millennia Christians struggling to obey God have taken comfort and encouragement in a particularly telling passage of scripture penned by the Apostle Paul. While it's long been debated whether the double-mindedness he describes is symptomatic of his pre or post conversion (more likely his state prior to his Damascus revelation) either way the Scripture hits the nail on the head for millions if not billions:
- "What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different." Romans 7:16-25 The Message
While suffering at the hands of sinners, Christ's teaching and example makes it clear walking in and working out attitudes and actions of forgiveness hardly means becoming a doormat. Jesus and His apostles after Him were anything but pushovers. Rather, "speaking the truth in love" they endured insult and injury for their firm and fair, factual and forgiving commitment to see spiritual development in others regardless to the personal cost.
The Apostle Paul was another shining example of the transformative power of the grace of God. Self described as the "chief of sinners" for his persecution of the early Church, the consummate persecutor became the icon of patient suffering for righteousness. And this, more often than not, at the hands of God's own people the Jews:
- "I've worked much harder, been jailed more often, beaten up more times than I can count, and at death's door time after time. I've been flogged five times with the Jews' thirty-nine lashes, beaten by Roman rods three times, pummeled with rocks once. I've been shipwrecked three times, and immersed in the open sea for a night and a day. In hard traveling year in and year out, I've had to ford rivers, fend off robbers, struggle with friends, struggle with foes. I've been at risk in the city, at risk in the country, endangered by desert sun and sea storm, and betrayed by those I thought were my brothers. I've known drudgery and hard labor, many a long and lonely night without sleep, many a missed meal, blasted by the cold, naked to the weather." 2 Corinthians 11:23-27 The Message
- "I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit—I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people, those of my own race, the people of Israel." Romans 9:1-4
Road to Emmaus
Walking in forgiveness can be a long even treacherous road. Here, as in so many areas of Christian life, commitment and a comprehensive strategy is needed for growing into the "full stature of Christ."
In the Gospels we find a similar situation. The journey from disciple to apostle was a winding one at best, filled with misunderstandings. Longing for Christ the Conquering King, life alongside Jesus the Suffering Servant was often difficult and disappointing. Even plainly and repeatedly warned by Jesus that He must suffer and die, the disciples still found it all but impossible to believe, as demonstrated by the story of the Road to Emmaus:
- "That same day two of them were walking to the village Emmaus, about seven miles out of Jerusalem. They were deep in conversation, going over all these things that had happened. In the middle of their talk and questions, Jesus came up and walked along with them. But they were not able to recognize who he was. He asked, "What's this you're discussing so intently as you walk along?" They just stood there, long-faced, like they had lost their best friend. Then one of them, his name was Cleopas, said, "Are you the only one in Jerusalem who hasn't heard what's happened during the last few days?" He said, "What has happened?" They said, "The things that happened to Jesus the Nazarene. He was a man of God, a prophet, dynamic in work and word, blessed by both God and all the people. Then our high priests and leaders betrayed him, got him sentenced to death, and crucified him. And we had our hopes up that he was the One, the One about to deliver Israel. And it is now the third day since it happened. But now some of our women have completely confused us. Early this morning they were at the tomb and couldn't find his body. They came back with the story that they had seen a vision of angels who said he was alive. Some of our friends went off to the tomb to check and found it empty just as the women said, but they didn't see Jesus." Then he said to them, "So thick-headed! So slow-hearted! Why can't you simply believe all that the prophets said? Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?" Then he started at the beginning, with the Books of Moses, and went on through all the Prophets, pointing out everything in the Scriptures that referred to him. They came to the edge of the village where they were headed. He acted as if he were going on but they pressed him: "Stay and have supper with us. It's nearly evening; the day is done." So he went in with them. And here is what happened: He sat down at the table with them. Taking the bread, he blessed and broke and gave it to them. At that moment, open-eyed, wide-eyed, they recognized him. And then he disappeared. Back and forth they talked. "Didn't we feel on fire as he conversed with us on the road, as he opened up the Scriptures for us?" Luke 24:13-32 The Message
- “If you love me, obey my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth." John 14:15-17
Sadly, spiritual apathy or indifference has left Churchianity ill equipped for the more challenging aspects of life's journey. Lack of Bible Study and prayer, much less sanctification and practice discerning the Lord's voice has rendered hundreds of millions of believers unwilling or incapable of recognizing the high road, must less taking it. Paul's church at Corinth faced similar problems:
- "And how dare you take each other to court! When you think you have been wronged, does it make any sense to go before a court that knows nothing of God's ways instead of a family of Christians? The day is coming when the world is going to stand before a jury made up of followers of Jesus. If someday you are going to rule on the world's fate, wouldn't it be a good idea to practice on some of these smaller cases? Why, we're even going to judge angels… I say this as bluntly as I can to wake you up to the stupidity of what you're doing. Is it possible that there isn't one levelheaded person among you who can make fair decisions when disagreements and disputes come up? I don't believe it… Wouldn't it be far better to just take it, to let yourselves be wronged and forget it? All you're doing is providing fuel for more wrong, more injustice, bringing more hurt to the people of your own spiritual family." 1 Corinthians 6:1-8 The Message
Clearly divisiveness has a history as long as the human race. Nevertheless Scripture agrees with modern statistics that love is growing colder as our interest with me-ism continues to compound:
- "Don't be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They'll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they're animals. Stay clear of these people." 2 Timothy 3:1-5 The Message
Developing a Plan
Living well requires preparation. By their very nature spiritual matters all the more so. Proverbs warns that the wise man foresees difficulties and plans accordingly while the simpleton fails to do so and pays the price.
Life is filled with trifling offenses relatively easy to overlook. Unfortunately, some attitudes and actions present a far greater challenge. So much so, walking in a genuine spirit of forgiveness sometime seems all but impossible. Like so many areas of life, developing a plan to handle difficult and stressful relationships with family and friends works far better than just "winging it." First off, noting "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" we should investigate our relationships with others to be sure that we are not the cause of unnecessary offense.
Next, when "speaking the truth in love" fails, a fallback position is required. Taking a long term balcony view, it's well to remember James's advice to be "quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to get angry."
Should friction escalate into verbal abuse Peter offers good advice:
- "Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation. No sharp-tongued sarcasm. Instead, bless—that's your job, to bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing. Whoever wants to embrace life and see the day fill up with good, Here's what you do: Say nothing evil or hurtful; Snub evil and cultivate good; run after peace for all you're worth." 1 Peter 3:8-11 The Message
Enduring impoliteness or hostility is a taxing affair, even for the Gospel's sake. It's encouraging to note that in Christ's famous "Sermon on the Mount" the Lord promises His Kingdom and heavenly reward to those willing to embrace loss:
- “God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are humble, for they will inherit the whole earth. God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice, for they will be satisfied. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. “God blesses you when people mock you and persecute you and lie about you and say all sorts of evil things against you because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted in the same way." Matthew 5:3-12
- "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." James 1:2-4 The Message
- "So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world." 1 Peter 1:6-7
Those interested in a strategy to develop Kingdom quality forgiveness in themselves on behalf of others may wish to review GodBlog's Forgiveness Strategy Worksheet.
Self Care
Another important aspect of forgiveness is that of self care. While all athletes train, wisdom warns against overtraining. Here, as always, we do well not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought. With eyes on the prize on participating with God in developing Christ's character, the process requires frequent rests and refreshment. Continually replenishing our social and spiritual reserves is necessary for our sake and that of others.
Taking care of ourselves means different things to different people. Some simple steps may include biting our tongue and holding our peace when being treated unfairly. Other technics may include avoiding irrelevant confrontation or walking away from conflict. Scheduling quality time to reflect on problems as well as blessings, all the while learning to still our souls and wait on God.
Developing a strong devotional life is not only therapeutic but provides an outlet for pent-up thoughts and emotions. Praying through difficulties with others should offer a sense of relief. On the other hand, whole chapters of the Psalms and Prophets are dedicated to the reality that prayers may not be answered immediately or even satisfactory. Such challenges require perseverance, even to the point of wrestling with God until heaven answers. Choosing to respond patiently and positively, rather than retaliate in kind, places us in the rarified company of such notables as the psalmist David, not to mention Jeremiah in his lament and Habukkuk in his complaint.
When more obvious methods of conflict resolution fail, a long term strategy is needed. The closer the offender the greater the care necessary to preserve and promote the relationship. While quick resolution is always the hope, difficulties with family and friends may require a degree of finesse capable of spanning years or even decades. Developing a few essential social and spiritual skills often allows continued relationship with those with whom we might otherwise be unable to relate.
More often than not, relational diplomacy provides opportunity for growth in a variety of aspects of a relationship even when certain important area(s) are stalled and stymied. For example, during prolonged periods of disagreement on certain spiritual issues, camaraderie and friendship may continue in other arenas, often providing necessary time for growth or healing.
Scripture directs us to do what we can to live in peace and unity with others without compromising the essentials of our faith:
"Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
"Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord." Hebrews 12:14
"Don't lie to one another. You're done with that old life. It's like a filthy set of ill-fitting clothes you've stripped off and put in the fire… So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it. Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other." Colossians 3:9-15 The Message
Nevertheless, realizing our best efforts may be thwarted, Christ Himself offers sage self care advice:
"Don't waste what is holy on people who are unholy. Don't throw your pearls to pigs! They will trample the pearls, then turn and attack you." Matthew 7:6
Remembering
Many place a high value on the willingness and ability to forgive and forget. Yet interestingly, the most crucial aspect of forgiving, if not life in general, is that of remembering.
By recalling our flickering place in the cosmos we are reminded of our desperate need of God. Thoughts of Christ’s costly atonement are constant reminders of the debt we owe God, making those owed to us pale in comparison.
Mindful we have hell to lose and heaven to gain, many momentary issues lose their ardor, adjusting our perspective. Remembering to see through the lens of Scripture reveals temptation and sin for what they are, steps on the path to death.
The art of remembering is so vital that it cannot be overstated. As previously noted, the original and root of all sin is entitlement. This in itself is based in “forgetting” to be thankful. From the Luciferian Rebellion to the Garden of Eden, from the days of Noah to the coming Apocalypse, forgetfulness has and continues to play a leading role in every unfortunate decision made by men or angels.
Remembering is also essential for those being wounded and sinned against. On the cross Jesus prayed "Father forgiven them ,they don't know what they're doing." In His darkest hour Christ models the importance of remembering His murderers are acting in ignorance, at least by comparison with the Evil One and demonic powers behind attacks on and by mankind.
When disappointed by the choices of others it's helpful to understand that the decision making process is always as split verdict. While our words and actions are results of a majority opinion and appear conclusive, current attitudes and behaviors may win out by only the slightest of margins. Within each of us wages a parliamentary competition of thoughts and emotions, often fueled by short and long term interests as the flesh and spirit battle it out.
Seemingly entrenched opinions and lifestyles may actually be only a percentage point or two away from change for the better. For this reason and more, "peacemakers" have reason to live in the promise of hope. Dualistic thinking also means that wise and sound advice may not be completely falling on deaf ears. Even when sin has the upper hand in the current decision-making process, a thoughtful and "gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare." Realizing as much, the Godly season their hearts and minds, words and actions with patient expectation mixed with faith that endeavors to promote repentance in others, as well as ourselves. Particularly when inspired by the Spirit:
- "I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." God's Decree. "For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. Just as rain and snow descend from the skies and don't go back until they've watered the earth, Doing their work of making things grow and blossom, producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry, So will the words that come out of my mouth not come back empty-handed. They'll do the work I sent them to do, they'll complete the assignment I gave them." Isaiah 55:8-11 The Message
Knowing that our struggle is often not agains "flesh and blood" is reason for Christians to "put on the whole armor of God" that we and those we care for may be able to withstand the ever growing threat of evil:
- "And that about wraps it up. God is strong, and he wants you strong. So take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. And put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the Devil throws your way. This is no afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget about in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out. " Ephesians 6:10-18 The Message
As evidenced by the above passage, not to mention Scripture’s revelation of the history of eternity, nothing happens in a vacuum. In regards to forgiveness, even those who are clearly the injured party have much to learn about faith and lack the lack thereof, as the first few verses in James so clearly illustrates. To this end, stillness and meditation, prayer and fellowship offer understanding and encouragement to work through our pleadings and pain, even when falling on the deaf ears of offenders.
For those dealing with life changing sorrows and/or betrayals, heartache can be as real as physical affliction. The concept of removing a nail from a board is an oft used metaphor regrading God’s forgiveness. While the nail can be removed, a hole remains. Yet when it comes to relationships with others, a more accurate portrayal would be driving a nail into flesh and even bone. Unlike a board, when pierced we are torn and bleed, requiring physical and mental, emotional and spiritual healing. When situations continue to offend and answered prayer delayed, we mourn over the loss of what should and could have been. At such difficult times as these Scripture offers the promise of hope:
- “All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 The Message
- “We don’t want you in the dark, friends, about how hard it was when all this came down on us in Asia province. It was so bad we didn’t think we were going to make it. We felt like we’d been sent to death row, that it was all over for us. As it turned out, it was the best thing that could have happened. Instead of trusting in our own strength or wits to get out of it, we were forced to trust God totally—not a bad idea since he’s the God who raises the dead! And he did it, rescued us from certain doom. And he’ll do it again, rescuing us as many times as we need rescuing.” 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 The Message
- “Since the children are made of flesh and blood, it’s logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by his death. By embracing death, taking it into himself, he destroyed the Devil’s hold on death and freed all who cower through life, scared to death of death." Hebrews 2:14-15 The Message
- “It’s obvious, of course, that he didn’t go to all this trouble for angels. It was for people like us, children of Abraham. That’s why he had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when he came before God as high priest to get rid of the people’s sins, he would have already experienced it all himself—all the pain, all the testing—and would be able to help where help was needed.” Hebrews 2:14-18 The Message
- “Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.” Hebrews 4:14-16 The Message
Forgiveness Checklist
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