Personal: Modern Proverbs

I am waiting for blessings that aren't in disguise.
- Anonymous

Personal
Modern Proverbs

The study of happiness is basically divided into two principal components, our outward situation and circumstance and our inward thoughts and feelings.

While bookshelves and webpages abound addressing both aspects, Biblical Christianity offers levels of understanding often missed by even it's most diligent students and supporters. These hinge on seeking and serving God in return for a fulfillment rooted in obedience, thankfulness and productivity. A task often easier said than done.

A devout life does bring wealth, but it’s the rich simplicity of being yourself before God. Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that's enough.

- 1 Timothy 6:6-8 MSG

Personal
Modern Proverbs
by Robert R. Pennington

I have only one prayer, "Help!" I do have a hundred variations on the theme, however thinly veiled.

For a quarter of a century I have listened, studied, prayed, spoken, thought, acted and waited on God. Nothing yet.

I imagine it's better to have loved and not lost, though I wouldn't know.

Clearly of the great scheme of things I know nothing. Yet some of it I know really well.

Proverbs come as easily to my mind as did inventions to Thomas Edison. Unfortunately not one has yet proved worth a patent.

My study of the Bible, and vice versa, has ruined me.

I may be living proof that one can be right without being righteous.

The only thing worse than talking nonsense is talking sense to those without any.

I know neither what I am or shall be; neither in form or in destiny. Glimpsing His judgment and glory; I fear, do I please Him who Created me?

We are bid to continually "ask, seek and knock" with the promise of receiving, finding and Kingdom access. Yet tens of thousands of hours of service, prayer (of all kinds), research and worship have yet to unbar His Door. What is left then than to continue laying siege with increasing frequency, fervor and battering?

In the recent movie "Luther" more than once he is pictured alone in a room, "climbing the walls" in desperation while wrestling and regaling the Devil. I know all too well this level of passionate frustration. Yet, ironically, while clearly lacking the power or authority to even approach reviling angelic majesties, I have often wrested so with God. Partly because we are bid by scripture to violently take the Kingdom of heaven by force. Partly because in our current state of anemic unbelief, it is pointless to as yet take the battle to the Adversary. And partly from being persuaded that Christ as a faithful high priest is both touched by the feelings of our infirmities and able to intercede on our behalf. Perhaps by His mercy and merit He upgrades our prayers that they may be found acceptable and moving by God.

Should situations not soon reverse themselves, in the future I may need to find a padded room to pray in.

I have often sought God’s blessings while “naked in the bathtub” (a Yiddish curse). While this seems unseemly, its Gnostic to believe the body intrinsically evil. Are we not called to pray “without ceasing?” Are we not always laid even more bare than this before the eyes of Him with whom we have to do?

I’m afraid I “art the man.”

I so value lasting joy that I care far less about peoples present happiness than what happens to them. Even seeming to do so is strategic.

People are crazy stupid. Worse, I fear time or the end of it will reveal me a person.

I fear and revere, hope in and pursue, wonder at and admire, complain to, critique and even suspect the Awful Tri-Omni God more than any person I know.

The cross I bear, a shadow when compared with others, at times overwhelms. I wonder if it wouldn't seem lighter if made of a heavier stuff? Are shadow crosses commended by God? Are shadow prayers heard? 'Nobody knows but Jesus...'

Many have abandoned the church claiming superior revelation. I sympathize, yet remain confident of the following:

Churchianity may be right and I wrong.
I may be right and Churchianity wrong.
We may both be right and wrong in part.
We may both be right and wrong in all. Any one or combination of the above dictates our need and duty to attend and love one another.

I fear I walk a fine line when forcefully pressing God to pour out His Spirit on us modern sinners. Such a weak being, what could be more stupid than offending God in thought, word or deed? Except not taking the risk and hiding my talent for desperate complaint under the bed of dishonest religious piety.

I'm an odd fellow. Fancying myself a dragon slayer like Matthew McConighy in "Reign of Fire" yet probably having more in common with the lead in "A Beautiful Mind."

After over 50,000 hours of prayerful devotions, professional ministry and strategic activism I can count on the fingers of one hand the people my sudden death, given my present state, would greatly impact. A state which unfortunately, shows every sign of further deteriorating. This is largely do to the choices made by my best friends and colleagues...

I would rather fail at trying to save life than succeed at wasting it.

Borrowing from the "Chronicles of Riddick" while fancying myself Furyian at best I'm Elemental.

I may have often and repeatedly said more than I should about my unrelenting concern for Churchianity and the world it seems to reflect rather than reprove. Or at least I've said more than any wanted to hear.

As for over-sharing, I've often done so out of mistrust of myself wanting to intrust such a vital and time sensitive message into many hands. Preferable better than my own. Unfortunately, so far I seem to be the pick of the litter.

In a sad twist on Lot and Sodom even my semi-righteous soul is constantly vexed, as often as not by Laodiceans.

If my diagnosis is correct my role in the body of Christ is that of an oncologist. One of a very select few able and willing to accurately measure and report levels metastazation. Under different circumstance I would prefer to be an obstetrician or open in general practice. Happier patience and far better facilities and pay.

The bulk of my spiritual research have been universally ignored or rejected by my colleagues and all those with the kind of reputation or resource to make a difference. The same, more or less, can be said everyone else. If this is a sign of error, wonderful! If not, little avenue is left me but to "write the vision and make it plain" trusting God will use it if He sees fit. If not on behalf of many then few. If not here than elsewhere. If not now then latter. Hopefully not with too little too late.

The growth rate of my sprouting grey ear hair rivals bamboo.

Excellent movie line from a recent courtroom drama, "I hold myself in contempt!"

Compiling some of these "proverbs" might make a good prayer book seeing they were quarried from and for intercession by hopeful pleadings and groans.

Discernment is a lonely business.

I wonder what the effective (Grk: energized) fervent prayer of a frustrated man will get me?

Let me be the Daniel Jackson (SGI) of the Kingdom of God or at least Simon Cowel (American Idol).

In the 1st World 21 century Church, efforts to be prophetic rather than pathetic have required me to dabbled as an archeologist (The Ancient Text), cosmologist (place in universe), sociologist (mankind's interface with each other), activist (abortion) physicist (fingerprint of God), theologian (interface with God), biologist (interactions of life), publicist (marketing of research), chemist (manner of life), psychologist (intra/inter relationships) statistician (need vs. resource assessment) and monk (devoted to prayer).

Reality is prying from my hand all my hopes. I thank God for the scriptures by which, in hope to pry His hand.

Pascalisms fly by as freely as birds. In an endless array yet the same bird may not alight and sing more than once. They are all too soon forgotten if not recorded.

As a general rule, those things I've been persuaded to believe, speak on, write about and act on are so awful in nature that sorrow seems inevitable. If I'm wrong I'm gonna get it. If I'm right we're all gonna get it. By the look of past and current trends, either way God, and/or devils, men, circumstances, sin or stupidity seem destined to catch up with and make an end of me. Even so, personal sin aside, in the spirit of Martin Luther I fearfully mumble, "Here I stand, I can do no other."

When listened to, obscurity can be an excellent teacher.

My version of Murphy's infamous law is: " Whatever can go wrong has gone wrong, and then some...."

Much apathy has driven me mad. Human first, then that which by nature appears Divine.

How frustrating when expertise covering most or even all the facets of a great problem fails to yield the solution.

Many succeed, some wildly, yet from a heavenly perspective do more harm than good. I may be in the opposite camp.

Given my inability to be herd it may be that in the body of Christ I have been an eye or ear fancying itself a mouth.

Regrettably my efforts on behalf of people often exclude them in any practical sense given their inability to perceive the true nature of our problems much less productively participate in their solution.

Given the apostasy of Churchianity what might receiving and increasing or hiding “talents” look like? -James suggests, “is anyone happy let him sing songs of praise” continuing “is anyone troubled let him pray.” While comforted by the latter I’ve long sought the former and am saddened the Lord and I are not currently on “singing terms.” Jesus’ first recorded sermon recounted Isaiah’s prophecy that He would, among other things, “give a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness” to all that “mourn in Zion.” Though I’ve sought this attire repeatedly I’ve not had the pleasure.

Jesus warns one cannot be His disciple without hating that which is nearest and dearest including family and one’s own life. Given current realities I am coming to hate my life, but sadly for the wrong reasons.

“Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the LORD Almighty.” A wonderful handful of words often quoted but rarely experienced today. Unfortunately in my case the first word, “not” seems sadly sufficient.

Given so many disappointments, losses and betrayals I fear the reality of my life lies in the margins. Either I’m as sinner as close to Heaven as he’ll ever get, a saint catching Hell for it or both.

In a matter of months before reaching her twenty first birthday my beautiful daughter left home only to have her innocence devoured during her first steps into full adulthood.

Thousands of hours of protection and provision swallowed in an instant by the one soul in this world my heart rested in. Finding her choices incompatible with faith and inconceivable to reason my wife and I are inconsolable in grief.

Paul's great revelation from God and passionate obedience to Him caused a groaning to be absent from the body and present with Lord. I groan that I may one day groan as he.

Should it not be painfully obvious to the reader my view of my own nature, both old and new taken together, let me assure you I have no illusions of either holiness or greatness. I'm fully persuaded by observation and instructors from Paul to Pascal that at any moment, all that I am, have and have done could be as easily destroyed by the least agent of God or the devil as I might crush an annoying gnat between my fingers. Even more, without the Lord's infinite Mercy and Grace, I'm as likely to be consumed in the fires of Sin as a moth toying with a flame. All the more so should any of these words be by inspiration, seeing that of he who is given much more is required.

The Theology of the human body is no mean study, yet in practicality it concerns itself with our "Earth Suits." Consider their self contained head to toe skin, muscle groups, sinus, bones, organs, nerves... all in a constant state of flux, growth, repair, aging... fully animated by sentient will! Who could imagine their equal? As a sci-fi fan I find the wonder of such a miraculous apparatus second only to our preoccupation with them over the spirits and souls they house, not to mention our neglect of and even disdain towards their Awesome Creator...

If I were a leader with a day of clarity, knowing I would revert to my normal self deceptions tomorrow, I would counsel my friends this way:

Forgive my sins against you.
Help those around us I'm hurting.
Don't let my faults deter your calling.
Be wise as a serpent and keep arms distance from my destructive habits.
Learn and help others to learn from my mistakes."

"Lord, how I wish recognizing the Truth were the same as Living it! How different history would be... How different our present, future and eternity…"

I don't know if I'm blessed or cursed, neither or both.

I greatly prefer praying outside because that's were the clues are.

It is quite a reasonable argument that the silence and distance of God so universally experienced day in and day out by mankind is a matter of divine transcendence. So persuasive is this line of reasoning that regardless of religious belief humanity is in many ways relegated to, at best, practical agnosticism. Were it not for the Bible’s numerous passages offering the potential for better I would quickly succumb to this wisdom.

Little wonder I don't believe the things I believe...their unbelievable!

I chuckled at learning I'm an "Equal Opportunity" dissenter while pondering the eternity of difference between Catholic and Protestant observance of communion. In light of 1Cor 11's warning of unworthy jostling at the Lord's table I wonder who would fight over a speck of bread and a shot of juice chaser?

From salvation to discipleship, prayer to evangelism God fills everything all in all. He's the great I Am and I am held accountable for simultaneously acknowledging I'm nothing while giving my all to produce something.

The tenor of my prayers, particularly those of complaint, trouble even me. Even if God in His mercy counts them as "knocking loudly" on heaven's door I fear for myself should He open it. Yet I fear more what has, is and will happen to us all if He does not.

After over 50,000 hours, more or less, of in various ways strategically pursuing the tangible presence of God I still find the goal worthy of the effort, though I often find myself deeply frustrated and disappointed at so many failed attempts. While God's hesitancy to reveal Himself more fully to myself and/or others feels "unfair" it's sobering to note that during this same period, in the mid-size California city of Fresno where I live, an equal number of woman have conspired, directly or indirectly, with every God ordained institution, including the Church, and killed at least one and a half times that many pre-born...

Oddly, fear which keeps most people from looking is that which keeps me from being able to look away.

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